The Pregnancy Card

True story: I cried at the grocery store the other week. I didn’t just cry, I cried. As in, balled my eyes out while my two-year-old was screaming and my four-year-old stuffed her face with a free cookie. I wish I was joking.

It would have been easy if I was… say, obviously pregnant. You know, as in waddling like a duck because of a big pregnant belly with an outtie. But no, I didn’t really look pregnant then so it wasn’t easy to say, “Hey, it’s not about the screaming baby or the coupons that disappeared out of my pocket. It’s the hormones everyone, OKAY!?”

grocery store lobsters

Three weeks later and there is now a little bit of evidence to the outside world that there is a baby being housed in my uterus. Just this past weekend I got my first “Are we expecting!?” Those comments never bother me. “Heck yes I am! Thank you for noticing!” is how I respond in my mind.

You see, I’m not going to lie, I love the stage of pregnancy where it’s obvious that I’m pregnant. Things tend to be more excusable then.

Oh, you attempted to pay for your groceries with a JoAnn fabrics gift card? No worries, the five people in line behind you totally understand, just try again.

Is that peanut butter in your daughters hair that you forgot to wash out? I’m sure that only happens because your pregnant.

I see your in the middle of a pregnancy-induced hormonal roller coaster. Here, wipe away those tears and have a free doughnut.

Now if only I looked pregnant while I was holding back my nausea in an attempt not to ruin the nearest cash register at the store. Nope, I only looked like a demented, exhausted woman attempting to fake a pathetic smile. (It was the worst at the coffee shop.) Thank God that phase is over.

So from here on out, I may pull out the pregnancy card without warning. And without shame. That’s right… no shame.

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